my first time

for the majority of my life, I believed that sex should be saved + enjoyed only within the confines of marriage. in fact, I once planned to save myself for marriage. as I started to question my religious beliefs, I realized that I didn't want to save myself for marriage, but that I did want to save myself for someone that I loved.

one day, I decided that I was ready. my partner at the time and I had been together for around two years, and I was finally sure that I loved him. he was never the kind of person to share the way that he felt on any level of frequency, so although I knew that he loved me, I didn't want to sleep with him until he told me he loved me. 

the day he did was the day I decided to sleep with him. shortly after he said it, I literally said "I want to have sex with you." (I'm 100% aware that I'm the lamest person ever). he was not a virgin, but was very cautious to let me stick to the guidelines I'd set for myself. he asked me if I was sure, and I said yes, and so we had sex.

being that I've always been interested in sex as a topic, I knew that the first time I'd have sex wouldn't be the best sex of my life. while this remained true, the sex was pretty special. it felt like the most loving thing in the world, and even now I feel like it was the right decision. it was incredible to me to feel no guilt or shame afterwards, despite what my religious background had told me. it just felt like this amazing thing shared by two people who loved each other. although it was awkward, it was perfect. 

although I'm no longer with him, I look back so fondly on that night. I couldn't have imagined a better person to share such an intimate part of myself with first.

not everyone makes the same choices I did, and that is totally wonderful. I think if you want to save yourself for marriage, that's great. if you want to have sex with someone you hardly know, that's great. if you want to never do it at all, that's great too. honestly whatever you decide is perfect if it's consensual and it's what you both truly want. there's no "right way" to lose your virginity, but the only wrong way to do it is to do something you don't want to do.

what do you think?