despite the fact that I am quite satisfied being single, I still really enjoy the entire chase factor of dating. the entire anticipation of wondering what will happen next and trying to figure out how to become most attractive and how to win at dating... this is the fun stuff.
so, I caved. I downloaded tinder again. I have deleted and re-downloaded tinder probably more than 20 times. I really bounce around between loving being single, wanting to hook up, and wanting to just flirt.
but do you ever feel like you act like an entirely different person when you're interested in someone? well, I do. and not just on tinder! even when flirting with guys in real life, I become basically an extroverted posh spice.
I'm far meaner, far more aggressive, far more fake-confident.
I'm strictly fierce, with a side of flirty.
I won't say what I want, unless I do - in which case it's intensely and without question. I pretend I know everything and I pretend I'm hard as nails. I'll call guys out for nearly anything, and I am unafraid of it all.
on the outside.
on the inside, I'm nervous, I'm realizing that I seem mean and maybe even unkind. I see it happening in front of me or on my phone screen and I realize what I'm doing but I can't seem to stop. it makes me wonder how I've ever ended up dating anyone. it's partially being afraid to show vulnerability, but I somehow feel like it's more than that.
it's my dating alter-ego.
it's awful. I'm basically blair waldorf on the outside and taylor swift on the inside.
because the truth is that I know I'm an amazing person. I know at the core of myself I'm kind and friendly and inclusive. but for some reason in the dating game, I don't want guys to know that about me.
do you play games? do you ever feel like you're a different person when you're dating or flirting?